Electronic Rockstar

I used to say that I was numb. Taking the chorus of one of the songs I’ve written, it says…

"I seem to be so numb
Or am I just so dumb?
I let a callous heart find its way
back again
into this system
of emotional pain"

I used to think that I was numb from the pain and that it was ok to just keep goin back to someone or looking around for someone new.

These days, the word numb has a whole new meaning to me.

I still feel numb.

But this time, I feel nothing for anyone. I don’t like anybody. It’s actually creepy. It’s weird. It’s like, I’m totally focused on my music these days. There’s that numb feeling but at the same time, there’s also a longing. It’s that longing for something and not someone. Right now, that ’something’ for me is the feeling itself. I long for that feeling of bliss that a woman can elicit from my emotions. I long for longing. It sounds funny but right now, that’s my emotional state. I want to go gaga. I wanna fall head over heels over someone. I want to feel so crazy in love. But I don’t think I’ll be experiencing this anytime soon. Unless, God surprises me.

When I fell into a depressed state years ago, I prayed to God to put me back to that emotional state when I was a kid. That having noone was ok. That it was possible to be happy living a single life. I think God answered that prayer these days. Sometimes, I wish I was out of this state. But my sister says maybe God’s preparing me for "the one." haha scary.

’til then, I’ll make music and look forward to that certain someone I’ll be writing songs for.

Its been 3 full days…

From the time I get up to the time I sleep, I’ve been workin. I’m finally finished.

Praise GOD!!!

I worked on 6 songs for a play and it took me 3 days to finish ‘em. The project was so hard coz it had full orchestral arrangements and those are a killer.

I only rested to eat and to watch my fave star world shows hehehe

Then, of all places, I had to submit it to the cast who had their practice at Meralco Theater. So I went all the way there to hand them a CD. hahaha The problem earlier was that my car’s in the shop. So, it’s 10pm and I have no ride from Alabang to Ortigas. Praise God for friends… Hey Fred, Thanks!!! My friend gave me a ride coz he knew I was desperate.

I won’t take the time to upload the songs. They’re pretty corny. But I must say, I like workin on projects like this one not just for the money but because I get to work on stuff I won’t normally do on my own. And I believe that in one way or another, I’d get to learn from doin projects like this one.

It’s good to try to find out what you’ve picked up from your experiences… I think this one gave me a deeper appreciation on musicals. At times, I found myself singing along to some of the songs while making them. hehehe

Now I finally have time to work on the album! Woohooo!

Took me days to finish our website and it’s finally over.

www.electronicamanila.com is finally up and running!

I don’t get to work on websites that much since I focused on my music but this one’s totally a major labor of love! hahaha

I’m just sharing…

I had a deadline and I’m glad it’s finally over. A lot of my friends were surprised that I kept on logging on ym around lunchtime when they normally see me in the evening. They all go "wow you’re up early!" hehehe Those who know me know exactly that for me to be up at noon is a little bit odd. hehehe but the website’s first and it’s done. I’m so happy!

Now we’ll just wait and see if we get enough recognition at the web awards…

Now that’s done, I’m off to work.

Do you watch this? Coz I do…

I’ve been following the show since it started and I’ll definitely finish this.

Now, what’s with the show that gets me?

Well, I was still a kid when INXS were at their peak so they’re not really the reason. I don’t even know their songs! Maybe some of them IF I remember. But listening to their songs during the shows, I don’t see myself being a fan.

The concept is cool. Imagine, a contest for the ultimate rockstar… it does ound a bit cheesy. But I must say, they really have a kick ass line-up of um, singers?

It’s funny how winning in such a contest makes you a "rockstar." As mentioned in one article I read, you don’t work to become a rockstar, you just are. (something to that effect)

But through the course of the shows, the contestants somehow develop as a whole. If you compare the performances from the earlier episodes, you’ll see the changes in how the vocalists do their thing and how they project themselves especially with how they are on stage.

My vote goes to Mig Ayesa (coz I’m biased since he was born in Manila) besides, he’s so good. Even if he was born somewhere in Zimbabwe, I won’t care. I also vote for Suzie. Aside from the fact that I have this crush on her, she’s so damn good. JD is an ahole but he does have a chance I guess. Marty has a winning chance as well. So far, those are my only bets. The others, I’m sure will be thrown out of the competition in the coming weeks.

Goin back, I like the show because it’s not your typical American Idol. I only watch Am Idol during the elimination stage coz you’ll see the funniest and most arrogant people there. But halfway into the competition, I lose interest coz it’s all just singing and people waiting for the next big thing Simon will throw at the contestant. Rockstar isn’t about the person who can sustain the longest vibrato or the person who has the strongest voice. It’s about the whole "rockstar" concept. If you can stand tall and sing, you’re ok. It doesn’t matter if you miss some of the notes. Bottomline is, you’ve got that X factor to be called a certain "rockstar."

If given the chance, I might not audition for the band. As mentioned, I’m not a fan. So I guess I won’t enjoy it really if I did win. The experience would be a blast though. Man, to meet Dave Navarro and see Brooke Burke (tama ba spelling?) in the flesh would be enough for me. Oh yeah, plus the guitars they gave away to the contestants. Add a kiss from Suzie and I’m all set hehe

If you don’t watch this show, you still have time.

I’m just glad Ty’s out. haha